Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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