I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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