Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
