Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
