break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
