Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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