New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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