: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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