apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
