Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
