I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
