Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
