im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
