Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
