I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
