i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
