Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
