Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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