Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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