oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Help. Why am I so naked?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
