I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
