That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I need to calm my uterus...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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