Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
