He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
