there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
