We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with