It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i dont even know how to be here
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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