I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What's dad's email?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country