First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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