Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket

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  (215): I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket http://tfl.nu/8xo3
  Replies (11) Good night (3804) Bad night (677)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me

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  (908): he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me http://tfl.nu/31sq
  Replies (20) Good night (1722) Bad night (4671)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.

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  (810): Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of. http://tfl.nu/uwfl
  Replies (14) Good night (3922) Bad night (698)
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  (516): View more from New York

  my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

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  (516): my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/m93n
  Replies (110) Good night (33662) Bad night (1386)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..

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  (203): i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list.. http://tfl.nu/3i91
  Replies (11) Good night (4523) Bad night (642)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.

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  (513): I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me. http://tfl.nu/k06t
  Replies (47) Good night (9801) Bad night (2110)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?

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  (519): I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right? http://tfl.nu/a685
  Replies (14) Good night (2835) Bad night (1541)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.

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  (330): Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in. http://tfl.nu/l5u1
  Replies (8) Good night (3659) Bad night (839)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.

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  (219): Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding. http://tfl.nu/1cjf
  Replies (13) Good night (1738) Bad night (1295)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...

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  (405): He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door... http://tfl.nu/vmh9
  Replies (3) Good night (1167) Bad night (453)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.

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  (832): I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic. http://tfl.nu/1uqk
  Replies (6) Good night (1411) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  I'm puking in a turkey pan....

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  (360): You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal. (1-360): I'm puking in a turkey pan.... http://tfl.nu/y4jv
  Replies (6) Good night (1155) Bad night (449)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)

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  (386): Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight) http://tfl.nu/otp9
  Replies (0) Good night (881) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion

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  (413): Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion http://tfl.nu/n5in
  Replies (2) Good night (343) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.

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  (949): We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years. http://tfl.nu/m9m6
  Replies (12) Good night (858) Bad night (460)

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