Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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