Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
