I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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