i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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