wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
