Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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