I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
