I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
