playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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