He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
