I hate your face
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
