Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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