Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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