Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We had sex on a dog bed..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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