Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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