I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
