So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
