Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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