i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
