I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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