i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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