i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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