omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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