you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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