So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
