Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
