Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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