you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
