the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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