saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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