So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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