I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
