So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize