remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
