I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
