You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
