that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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