Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
