He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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